He Allows Me Silence
by rightxhere
Summary: [SamCam] We stood together for the longest while, and it was when he slowly drew me into a hug that I realized he didn’t hate me, he was just hurting. MAJOR Unending Spoilers within!


**Title:** He Allows Me Silence 1/1  
******Author:** Demelza  
******Fandom:** Stargate SG1  
**Pairings:** Sam/Cam  
******Disclaimer:** Stargate SG1 and its characters belong to Brad Wright, MGM and all their other respective owners. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission purely as a means of entertainment. Any and all original characters are the author's creation, and may be freely used elsewhere.  
******Spoilers:** MAJOR SPOILERS FOR UNENDING!  
******Rating: **O13  
******Warnings: **None  
******Word Count:** 1,471  
******Summary:** We stood together for the longest while, and it was when he slowly drew me into a hug that I realized he didn't hate me, he was just hurting. (Major Unending Spoilers within!)  
**Notes:** I felt like there was a lot missing in regards to the Sam/Cam storyline, and this is just a little something that my muse wouldn't leave in peace. Any and all grammatical mistakes are my own, as this is my first **_true_** venture into first person perspective.

\/

Teal'c, Daniel and Vala have long left the mess hall, and I'm sitting there at the table, clasping a damp tissue in my hand that holds hours of tears.

Every part of me is still, and my shoulders feel just as weighted with guilt and regret now as they have these many years past.

Cam stands behind me over by the window, and he's staring out at the frozen energy blast from the Ori Mothership, and as much as I want to cross over to where he is, I just can't move.

Today is hard for him, just as it's been hard for all of us and I feel like I'm burdening him, and I hate to think he feels like he should stay, when this is as much his time to grieve as my own.

He looks at me, and it makes the guilt I carry inside worsen.

Suddenly, words leave my lips, and each one that falls is a lie.

'_You don't need to stay for me.'_

And the thing about Cam is he knows me better than those mere words, and he won't leave because he knows the hidden truth to each one.

And as he steps over to the table I'm thankful he does.

He places his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, and my eyes close at his touch.

'_I'm not going anywhere.'_

His words are soft, full of a meaningful promise, and when he sits beside me, I smile tearfully.

Gazing into his eyes, I can see the lines on his face, and if anyone knew him as well as I've had the privilege to these past twenty-two years, they'd know what each of them represented.

One is for all the rage he learnt to deal with many long years ago, and another is for all the quiet nights we've shared alone together.

Some lines are for deep and painful secrets of heartaches we have shared, and to this day not told a soul of, while others speak of laughter we have all shared since being cooped up together on this, as Daniel often calls it, _God-awful ship_.

He places his hand over mine, and we sit in silence for a long few minutes. His caresses are gentle, and with each stroke of his thumb I'm taken back to the first time we ever really talked after being trapped here.

\/

My bare feet fell softly on the titanium floor of the corridor, and with every step I took it were as though there was a beat in my mind. A beat that told me all ideas I had to get us out of this time dilation field alive wouldn't work, but I wouldn't give up, because I knew I couldn't.

Though the honest truth was no matter how much time I had spent trying to find a way out of this mess, it felt like all I did was take us further away from the point of return.

More tears welled in my eyes as I approached the end of the corridor where the elevator was. I pushed the white 'up' arrow, and the button immediately glowed, causing me to close my eyes, which forced the tears down my cheeks.

This was my fault, and as difficult and slow a process as it was, I knew I had to find us a way out of here.

Suddenly the elevator doors slid open and my heart raced when I saw Cam standing there in his jogging gear. His face and eyes were red, and the swelling of his eyes from his own tears drove guilt deeper into the greater recesses of my mind.

He stepped out of the elevator, but didn't speak. I knew he thought it was my fault, and I didn't blame him, because I knew it was true. It just hurt that he wouldn't talk to me, and when he did it was only when we were around the others. But, even then his words were little digs about what I'd done wrong in trying to save us all.

He buried his hands in his pockets and stepped past me, and I took hold of his arm, hoping he'd at least look at me, but he wouldn't.

'_Cam, talk to me...'_

He stood there, still, but he was staring down the corridor intently, a frustrated frown on his forehead.

'_Cameron...'_

I was pleading, but he clenched his jaw tight and tears rushed to my eyes, and I shook my head.

'_How many times do I have to apologize?'_

The elevator doors finally closed, and that's when he turned to me. It wasn't only frustration I saw in his eyes, but a flickering of guilt.

'_Tell me what I can do, Cam. Because I'm trying, I'm really trying...'_

He opened his mouth, but he didn't speak. His gaze fell to the floor, and it was when he shook his head that I stepped up to him.

My words seemed to mean nothing to him, so I didn't speak. I placed my right hand against his chest, and my eyes stayed focused on my hand as I curled my fingers and took hold of his sweater.

'_The X302's...'_

His words hit me, and I closed my eyes, trying desperately not to cry.

'_We've been over this.'_

'_It could work.'_

'_It won't.'_

'_We have to take the chance.'_

'_We'd all die.'_

My grip on his sweater tightened when he sighed angrily, and I, not once, but twice, beat my clenched fist against his chest.

'_We're already dead.'_

His voice was weaker, and I expected him to pull away as I hit his chest again, but he placed both his hands over mine, stilling me.

More tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped as he rested his forehead against mine.

'_I'm trying, Cam. I'm honest to God trying.'_

He whispered_, 'I know'_, and it was everything I could do in that moment not to let it all out, or tell him all the hate he held in me, I held in myself. I felt his warm breath brush against my eyelashes, and in that moment he allowed me a silence I hadn't felt in a very long time.

We stood together for the longest while, and it was when he slowly drew me into a hug that I realized he didn't hate me, he was just hurting.

'_I'm sorry, Cam. I'm so sorry.'_

My words were tear-filled, and he shook his head.

'_No, Sam. I am.'_

'_It's my fault.'_

'_No. No, it's not.'_

We didn't say anything else, he just held me, and I wished I could fix this for him. I wished I could fix this for all of us.

\/

The all familiar hum from within the mess hall surrounds us, and Cam takes hold of my hand, drawing me away from my memories. It's twenty years since that night, and as hard as it has been all these years, I'm thankful for all the moments we have shared.

What we have is unspoken, shared between only us. We're two souls who found each other long ago, in the silent hours of this never-ending, living hell.

'_Come on.'_

His words beckon my attention as he takes my hand in his, and soon we're both rising to our feet.

His arm goes around my shoulder, and he holds me comfortingly.

What I first realized that night, and have felt so many times since then, I feel again.

'_Cam...'_

I speak softly, stopping us both in our steps just as we reach the doors.

We face each other squarely, and he takes hold of my hands in his.

'_Yeah?'_

He's searching my eyes, worriedly, and there's so much I've never told him, so many words I've been afraid to utter, and even now I can't seem to find them.

'_Sammy?'_

He calls me by the name that brings a smile to my tired face, and I step up to him, resting my head against his chest as my arms go around his waist.

'_Promise me, Cam...promise me you won't stop.'_

His arms hold me closer, and as he rubs my back he rests his chin atop my head.

He knows just what I mean, and I don't have to explain further.

'_I promise.'_

He repeats the words, his voice falling with a whisper, and I know he'll never stop keeping that promise.

'_Thank you, Cameron.'_

He holds me tighter for a minute, when a whimpered cry escapes my lips and I wish I'd held it in, because I'm not sure I can stop now that I've started.

I squeeze my eyes shut, as despite these tears, relief washes through me.

Because, even after all the joy, and all the past and present pain, he still allows me silence.


End file.
